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oceanthoughts's journal
I'm 26. Good night.
these fucking men are so terrifying. they're just aching for an opportunity to show off their power. and they're calling each other names to see who will throw the first punch. only it's not just their blood we're all squirming in their fists and i don't want to be a pawn or a number as proof. alive i can make my own choice. but i don't know how to avoid these people who want to take me by force or take me by fear. i could dance and close my eyes and close my ears but i would then be unprepared and i won't feel helpless but i will feel angry and i will let tears hit my cheeks. my hands are empty for this situation until all i can do is cry.
Pride!!!!! Colours and Spirit and Hugging and Cheering and Water Spraying down, Naked men and Beautiful People, and Fearlessness, and Kindness and Family and Community and Very Cute Sweet Boy Standing beside me and My friends all laughing and Dancing and "Happy Pride" and Drag and Leather and PFLAG, Gay Pastors, CELEBRATECOLLECTIVESPIRITHUMANRESILIANCE!
I think there are two ways to deal with things that we disagree with. One way is to witness them and oppose what they stand for (think Greenpeace, Ani Difranco). The other is to be confidently and completely and loudly the thing that you stand for. Pride!!! It was SO fantastic to be part of something SO joyful and loving and unabashedly completely standing for something important and wonderful!
I've been thinking a lot about the collective unconsciousness lately, and I think, having events like that, where so many people are thinking about GLBT in a positive way, and celebrating GLBT creates ripples, creates an invisible but powerful force in the collective unconsciousness of our human family as a whole. So important! So wonderful! So much energy changing lives and thoughts, and minds and today I was part of it. Yay Pride!!!!
This past weekend I drove up to Port Elgin to visit a wonderful friend. The further North I went, the quieter it became, until I could listen to the wind in the trees speaking a language I hadn't heard in far too long.
We were stared at by a herd of cows, while Canoeing together on the Saugeen river. Beneath trees and blue skies I watched white clouds dancing their water away.
We're all connected. We're all seeking love. I witnessed beautiful spirituality and everywhere my smallest cells were responding with a resounding yes.
That's what the river is for.
Friday afternoon the sun set on the suburbs we were fleeing. We drove to Gananoque, land of the thousand islands, a lovely river, and dirty men leering out of cars. In bare feet on the deck we peered into the darkness, drinking and talking about life, love and what we put in our mouths.
The next morning the sky cried all day. We laughed and I met a nice boy on a boat reading Tom Robbins too. After naps and showers, out we went again to listen to country music and then dance all night with people much older and younger than ourselves.
Girlfriends are necessary to get through life unscathed, and if you're really lucky, they'll indulge you by playing random music games, and later still sleep beside you on the floor.
**
Tonight was also the love's birthday. I came home and out poured this song, all at once. Words, melody, music. I sat down and wrote and in about half an hour it was done. I felt better, and he got a birthday present. I sang and played it for him, "You're ridiculous" he said, getting up to give me a hug, "You're the only person I know who could do that, and even if everyone could, you're the only one that would. Thank you." Sometimes, being a music can be rewarding when you least expect it. Goodnite.
